Depression

Well, the headline says it all. I am currently having a dip! No, not a swim, but a bad time of it with my depression and anxiety right now. It is amazing when you say that, the amount of nerves I get because I know some people out there do not understand it at all.



'Not fair!' I hear you cry..but it is true alas! I was guilty of not understanding it properly too, before I began to suffer from it. The problem is, that there are a lot of people who use the word liberally to just mean they are having a low point in there day or year from every day life things, which will eventually pass and they will be on the up again soon! So yep that type of depression is not necessarily a life changer or hard to beat, But when you have clinical depression, it is a different matter.

Imagine the 'I cant be arsed to do anything today' mood you get occurring every day, and you have to battle against that to even get out of bed.Now I am not quite at that stage yet, but to do every day normal functions, like cook food, wash my clothes, do the housework, go to work, well that is my struggle right now!

I am walking about in a constant state of anxiousness, the 'flight or fight' feeling you can get. This is usually only there for most people in a dangerous situation to get them away and that burst of adrenaline helps to facilitate that. If you are walking around like that constantly, well you can see why i am getting extremely tired right now! I call it 'brain drain' as it feels like you have been studying very hard and you are tired,so very tired from it. It is a frustrating situation to be in, as you cant reasonably justify it to other people.

They ask how you are.you reply 'I am tired' they raise their eyes and go 'Again?!'..and quite frankly, yes! again. If you are frustrated by it, then how do you think I am feeling about it? Happy? Quite clearly not! My mum, bless her, does try to understand, but she has often said 'You are always tired' It is a sign, to me, that I need a break, to sort myself out and get me well again.

Another thing I find, is that if I am saying I am having a bit of a dip, people go quiet or think I am just sitting at home going 'Oh I am depressed, oh I am anxious' and do absolutely sod all about it! Well they are wrong!I help myself. The thing with depression is that there is no magic cure, and you do have to do things to get yourself well again.I find that is where a lot of people go wrong. They expect the NHS to do that for them,with no work from themselves. I go out walking every day, and sometimes that is a chore. I have now started to look at food and how it influences my mood, so now I am eating oats, Brazil nuts, oily fish and taking multi-vitamins and minerals to make sure I am boosting my system properly. I set myself goals which are achievable, and sometimes I just say..well let today be a bad day and get on with it. Accepting that is hard, but it causes less stress.

I am also switching my medication over.That is causing me problems, as there are side effects from coming off them, and then I will have the side effects of the new ones to cope with..luckily they don't last long! So,despite me having depression and anxiety, oddly I am a happy person, I do try to be upbeat, and occasionally I will let myself have a bad day, the next day I boot myself up the bum and start to sort my health out.

So to all the doubters or people who never know what to do or say..Well don't assume I am giving in to it, or anyone else for that matter, ask how I am, if I am feeling fine I will say, if I need a hand I will say, I wont be beating up on your door threatening to commit hari-kiri or be a sobbing mess on the floor either. Sometimes just a hug is enough, or a smile. But most of all, the best thing is to know that you are still a friend who i can go out and have a laugh with.